Paisley Pattern

I deserved the shawl - the
handed-down, special thing -
I loved their son well
with all of my being

but I said no
because I knew the crack
was coming - the shift
of plates, tectonic pain,
wrenching bone
the tsunami thing, tidal
destruction

I was an apology
in motion
my whole life
as if I were never enough
and did not deserve
my human breath

and that is how I was seen
and treated
by all those I've known
it was a devastation

of moments, of tonnes'
pressure bearing down like
geological time, glacial,
inexorable

I said no.
Looking back now - they could
not have known the
honour they had
to have me - the finest cloth -
under their roof
for that fleeting time

I was wrong
I was well-deserving - the
best:  I should have said yes

with my diamond eyes
my gold hands
my platinum.

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