Blockages

I feel a waste of years pass
Through me like tears till
I am full of space
And sighing, full of years
Vying for shoulder-room,
Full of lights dying.

So much there was;
A wide basketful
Of such time such
Energy brimmed at those
Full-folded edges:
Time pliant
Time stretching golden
Time laden with
People, colour, sights
All lived and gone
Misgiven or forgotten.
O God where are you now?

I call across these years
Fling my voice into
Such a void - how to fill it
With clear time clear thought
To make its wide surface
Shine unscathed. I need to see the
Gleam after all this passing, see into
Undistraught water,
Face my choice calmly, this
Turning, turning, this
Cajoling, the sotto voce of the heart's
Unwise desire, all the
Yearning all the calling.

For it is you
I miss now most of all -
Above the boiling din
Of memory hammering, it is
You I recall, your
Grin.

I hear again your silence, your
Pervasiveness, your
Memory has always been and
Will ever be and as I
Fade from all of my life's
Crying, it is you
I  recall: how you are
Real and I am small.

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