Was it worth it?

to Sylvia


Was this what it was like for you
That cold, cold winter, the worst
In remembered time?

Did the wind moan through your window
And did the hiss of the gas fire
Intrude upon your thoughts?

And with your children asleep upstairs,
Breathing quietly,
Faces flushed,

Did you wonder what there was
To go on to?
And did the weight of the past

Press down on you
As you took those blue fumes
Into your skin, your lungs inflating

Like a sponge
Saturating with water?
In the dark drift of sleep,

In that languid half-light
Between wake and sleep
Did you find peace

And heartsease
As you drifted 
Away?