Spell

'Miss', 'Lack', - trite
Words do not describe
Such blank pain
Such insane
Love for another being.

I see you in my dreams you
Split my atoms, each intaken
Breath speaks your name, you -
Unworthy of a fragment of my
Time and thought - you
Block me from seeing past your
Space.

You lost me - you
Drizzled away with the lamb
Snows, fleeting and fay - you
Didn't want to go my way.
I miss your company, your
Laugh and skin, all you were from
Nineteen to twenty-six you
Raised in heartlessness.

I spell and fool myself here in
This place - not understanding
Any piece of the 
Choice, the fall, the people
I will never see again.  What 
Read, why try, how do, is time
Pure enough to nurture the
Few good hearts in modesty
Integrity and polished shoes, the
Old-fashioned values symbolised
By elegant clothes?

Your laugh rings my ears, spells
'Ruin', and you appear in
My eyes.  How many years of tears
Does it take to sluice you
Out of my insides?  How much
Scouring to erase your touch, how much
Spitting of kisses

Trusses your mouth and fixes its
Laugh into silence?  So much trust
Trodden on.  Your dirty shoes
Made large imprints in my grass
And where you stepped 
The blades blackened and never grew
Back straight.

Your name spelt 'disaster' and
'Degeneracy' that is 
Callow youth - I never knew it
Until you condemned me
To a life of lingering 
Dying as I dream 
Your bad heart spells
My bad destiny.

previous poem