Afterburn

The day I decided to leave
I was most happy
yet here I stayed, I am as you see me
watching war planes bank the sky
the tiny afterburn a match 
struck too near the eye,
that too-bright light acceleration's
swerve and curve of nerve
relinquished for propriety.
Oh never say that I did wrong -
that the song I could have sung
would have been gay and free -
waking to the sun with no need
to weight my day -
(these men are real that pilot
that spiked metal)
and I left far below
look down the engines wherein
flare the fires of god and will -
combustion I relinquished 
by the quiet assenting nod 
that said I stay
that anchored me
deprived me of my thrust 
and drive, the energetic
forward push that keeps me whole.
The hate of it to sit so still
not do a victory roll
in synch with their hot metal and adrenaline
(head in heart in mouth in head)
intaken breath's sheer flair
crowned by untold speed.
It was myself that led myself 
here 
to this ground
this static chair.

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