Weighing

Overnight more snow came
but I did not see.  Too bewitched
by my own choices I was 
oblivious to all but
getting through the dark unscathed.

I made it to the light, was up
multiple times drinking water
trying to pretend my head did not
hurt.

Today is diffuse, dissolving, not
solid, leaching away like the
melting snow.  I question all
that I have done to this moment,
as if I could have made
other roads.

Perhaps I do not like what I see.
Perhaps I do not like where I am.
And those who could
confirm me in my own person
as normal, are long gone.

I find no answers in the day,
in the steady beauty outside, the
firmness of the seasons and the
solid turning world.  The axis
of my life is skewed and I
do not know the upright.  If

life from moment to moment is
incomprehensible, and all our
choices at road-end seem flawed
and we see all the corners we
should not have turned, all
the crossroads where the choice
was harm - what do we do
when we arrive and put our
bags down?  Not thrive.  Rather,

spend the time strive the heart
and curse the ill-luck
and all the black.  Chin up.
Try to see the green
and remember all the love:  believe
it has the power to balance the scales.

I am the light that shines in the dark.

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