I have

I have my house and my kitchen
and my red-jewelled carpet
but I can't see them
as I keep looking back

I have my studio and my
two large gardens
but I can't see them
as I keep seeing lack

I have my cabin bedroom
all my books, jewellery, perfume
diamond rings, earrings, bracelets
but I can't feel them - I
only feel the road

I have my Mum's large table
from The Mill and the beauty
oak chairs from 553
and all the goods and chattels
I kept with me - but I

can't see them, I only see
the ghosts

I have myself, my legs and arms,
my blonde hair, my beauty
arms, but I can't like them
I only see the breaks

I have my money, my savings
my food and fuel, my wine
rack and champagne, but I
can't appreciate - I only feel

the rain
and the dark night
of all my mistakes.

I have the map of all my
goings and doings, all the
people seen and places been
but I can't love them

they are too close
the photographs
they shatter me

I have everything I could ever
want or need 

except good bones, youth,
the hope of the beginning
when skin was bright and fresh
and foot unshod
did not fear the road

and there was no such thing
regret
bad seed

I have all the weight:  experience
exigence, hate, the downstroke
of the hand, the twist of Fate -

bare I stand before the wind
diminishing until
atom by atom
I am lifted free

and I fly above the trees
no stone
the light in me

dust storm

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